Grooms In Weddings
Do I really have to do this?
This is a question asked by many Men as they begin the gauntlet of activities leading up to the wedding.
Ladies are famous for their excitement over their weddings, but their Grooms are also known to be less thrilled. Some Grooms complain of feeling uncomfortable during the pre-wedding process and activities. Are they less social or less emotionally expressive?
Men may be less enthusiastic because of all the high stress activities they face leading up to the wedding. Grooms have to get the date. Bridegrooms have to win the hearts of their brides . Men have to pay all the bills along the way. Bridegrooms have to win over their brides ‘ families and friends. Bridegrooms propose. Men ask for the Father’s permission. Bridegrooms often endure the whole pre-wedding gauntlet as tag along to their fiances’ . The whole process is expensive, emotionally charged, and socially engaging.
Men may feel like they are enduring a seemingly endless series of tests before they can even think about actually getting married. Why would anyone face this kind of pressure by choice?
As a minister, I make it a practice of meeting with brides and Grooms a month or so before the wedding. In a majority of the situations, the fiances’ are all excited and full of ideas. The fiances’ come with questions and notebooks ready to lay out every detail. Often Bridegrooms come along with their brides and sit there with blank stares.
I discovered, that Men have their own ideas, but they may hesitate to share their thoughts, feelings, and interests. For this reason, after listening and interacting with the ladies ; I turn to the Men and begin asking open ended questions to uncover their thoughts.
Bridegrooms sometimes express the idea that the wedding is for the brides . Grooms may even say they are just along for the ride. Bridegrooms do not want to ruin the dreams of their ladies . They do not stifle the excitement and hopes of their fiances’ .
On the other hand, I have found that Men have very strong feelings. They may not know how to express those feelings without discouraging their brides .
Men need help to empower them and make their weddings all they can be. Early planning can reduce stresses and relieve anxieties. A professional wedding coordinator can support and encourage Grooms to feel good about their participation. A sensitive caring minister can help Grooms feel like they are an important part of their wedding. Hmmm. Grooms do belong at those pre-wedding events, at the wedding, the reception, and for a lifetime of marriage.
Little girls begin dreaming of their wedding day soon after they learn to walk and talk. Men , on the other hand, begin thinking of their wedding day when they find their dream girl. It takes a little time for Men to catch up, but it is important for marriage to make sure Grooms are included in the process.
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